Have you ever had someone care enough to intervene when you are messing up?
I know I have been blessed with friends who cared enough to deliver a wake up call when I’ve needed it, and I’m sure I’ll need them again someday. I hope I’ll always be blessed to have them with me.
Sometimes people are trying to get through to you because they care. The people who don’t care, let you mess up. In the end what’s it to them? They don’t have to live with the consequences of your actions, you do.
I’ve shared what a difficult divorce I went through. This difficult time in my life, has been narrated in my book, and I have posted about it often.
I don’t really have any secrets anymore. I wanted to share and give it all away. I wanted to be an open book. I thought it would free me, and it worked. When it started to encourage others, I knew I did the right thing.
I left home young and faced difficult situations as a teenager. Navigating deeply painful experiences is hard.
I had trouble understanding that others were trying to help me at that time. I didn’t understand why anyone would care enough to help. I wondered what they had to gain?
As an adult, I was trying my best to navigate a new career, and a divorce.
We all were trying to navigate a painful situation, still despair and sadness in all I lost, along with the difficult dynamics I had to face in my home.
It all meant I needed the guidance of friends who loved me to help guide me through. They helped me get back to me, and never wanted to see me suffer more than the experience demanded.
They helped me stand strong in the eye of the storm. One of the key steps to expansion. They supported me in turning difficulty, into growth.
In my experience, it is always important to listen for the intention behind guidance. To differentiate between people with loving guidance versus cold criticism.
Guidance coming from friends always has care and concern for your well being. The intention is loving and kind to support your highest good.
Criticism is someone sharing out of jealousy, manipulation, pain, fear, or callousness. Criticism often has secrets, omissions, self gain for the critic, and breaks trust.
The two feel and sound completely different once you know what to look and listen for.
A critic does not have a positive intention or outcome in mind. A critic just wants to break you down. Their intent is not to help you. Please do not give these people your ear, or the time of day unless you want things to get worse.
The genuine guidance comes from care and concern for you, and the best interests of everyone involved. These people will go out of their way to try and stop a freight train from crashing when they see you screwing up, all while they could be sitting at home.
Those types of friends, the real friends, with genuine guidance, in my experience, are few and far between.
Thank goodness for real friends! As hard as it is to watch someone self-harm with their decisions, it’s so important that we can try to pay it forward and be one of those friends who show up when we think we can help.
It doesn’t always work of course. We can’t always help. Some people will fight for obvious dumb choices and insist on screwing up. Pain and fear are so very deceptive.
Sometimes, once we have tried to help, the most compassionate thing we can do is let others sit in the weight of their choices.
Rock bottom seems to be a great motivator. Not what we want for those we love, or ourselves, but at times it seems to be what people need.